Caramel Speaks

I hate to burst someone else’s bubbles but I think I would not like to celebrate the New Year’s Eve. It feels that although we are complete, we are broken. Although we stand firm, we’re disabled. Although we keep smiling, our hearts were bleeding. Although we have faces to show people, I bet, that's not always the real us. If it was just me, there’s no reason to celebrate, at all. People won’t understand where I am coming from and they  wouldn't  even take a step back. Never would I have experienced such atrocity in my heart before, painfully killing my soul and tearing it into pieces. During these moments, I would rather be busy than being calm; rather be preoccupied than abandoned. It would be better to forget oneself than endure the chaos inside. I am miserable and disoriented now. Everything plays randomly on my mind and I don’t know which to shut down and which to start. Mess, that’s what I am. Sooner or later, I would forget about these things. Years fr...

To my crush, Three years have passed, some things changed, some things remained the same. You were the sunshine lighting my every day. You were the best part of my story. You were the one I have waited to complete me. Since the first time I saw you, I have been longing for you. Every day I am wishing that you could spare some time with me or even greet me. Seeing you makes my heart sing with gladness. I am very happy seeing my name in the first line of your message, whatever message it may be. I have also thought if you would only text me if you needed some information about academic stuffs, well that was ok for me as long as my name was there, just kidding. Every time we ate together with my best friends, I could always resist hiding my feelings for you. Could you still remember the first time we went outside together, just the two of us? Well, me, I could remember every detail. It was also December then. I am very happy to be with you that night, it was like a date, kid...

People walk through our lives with reasons not to be revealed unless we dwell with them, reasons unraveled throughout ages, and reasons we never knew ever existed. We often categorize people as to how special they are in our lives yet at times, we fail to show them how we exactly feel towards them. When you already had the perfect place and timing to tell that special person how you feel, you will always regret it yet you cannot blame yourself for not doing such a thing for your own personal reasons. In this blog post, let me share my first domestic travel. I was not really excited to go to that place, because for me, it was just a form of escape from the places I am very used to, to be a stranger once again. I was with some of my closest friends. Six days of no hustle and bustle. I need not narrate everything that has happened during those days. The most important parts of the vacation were the moments that I had with my special friend. Day one, two, three, up to the sixth day, ...

What would you choose, the love of your life or the life that you love? #soon.

"Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb  one day , like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love. ” - from Neil Gaiman * I felt bitterness and reality in these word...

Our  lives can be summed up and governed by three points: EGO, CHARACTER, SELF-ACTUALIZATION   Ego: you’re the best, you’re the worst                 What there was to be proud of about myself, no matter what industry we choose, that’s the challenge! Support your ego. Do not better your ego. Do not look down on someone. Temper your ego. Not be the worst, not be the best. Be good enough and make yourself right-sized. Character: end justifying the means                 Leaving the cradle, the opportunity is yours to solidify who you really want to be and what values that you hold true; what will your character be, and what would people say about you; what would people think about you; will you be known as honest, fair, trustworthy, humble, generous, compassionate, it’s up to you. It takes all types to make...

Ten minutes. Please talk. Nine minutes. Please talk. Eight minutes. Please talk. Seven minutes. Please talk. Six, five, four minutes. Please talk. Three minutes. He won’t talk. Please talk. Two minutes. Say hello at least. One minute. Last chance, just say hello. Thirty seconds. Please? He did not talk to me. Oh well. 

What really happens when you like a person and you do not have the guts to tell him because you are so afraid to be  hurt and rejected, or because you are thinking you are not yet ready for any other responsibilities towards the other person, or because you are better to be alone? What really happens when you feel like life was pulling you back and forth and whatever you do won’t be enough for the people around you and you would never receive any compliment, just criticisms and more criticisms? What really happens when everything around you feels like falling apart and you have nothing to do but watch your life shattering before you? What really happens when the people you are really close with and you can share anything with are not available in times of deepest grief and despair? What really happens when you feel so alone, that even if you convince yourself that you have other people who would listen to you, it just doesn’t feel right? What really happens ...

If those days were longer, If I told you how I feel, If those moments lasted forever, Maybe something would be real. Whenever you are beside me, Everything feels surreal, Everything becomes happy I wish this could always be. You tickled not only my foot, but my heart You always crack jokes and prank You’re sometimes grumpy and moody Yet, I still adore your personality. I left my heart there Please bring it back here For it continuously looks for a pair Until you can find me Couldn’t keep on thinking about you, Because no matter what I do You never left my head And emotions never ended. Impossible as it may seem You only came as a dream Never to be real or true But my heart’s shouting for you. I travelled with you I walked with you I shared moments with you Now, all I want is to be with you. You need to unmask my feelings, For I don’t have the guts to speak You need to know what’s missing For our searching h...

Strokes on canvass Keeping in touch with your eyes Loving you was one thing No, it seemed to be everything. Strokes on canvass Why have you left so fast? Never thought you would come Never knew you’d also be gone. Strokes on canvass So colorful it was Textures of temperament, To do the can and cannot. Strokes on canvass You have shown me paradise Lucky was I at your side Making colors last alive. Strokes on canvass May you not forget our past? It’s a simple thought That we had our insight Strokes on canvass Oh, I adore you I never knew I do But this time I’ll tell you. Strokes on canvass Whatever you do As long as it makes you happy, I’m happy too. Strokes on canvass A display of love that lasts A scene that I won’t forget Was when our love was felt. Strokes on canvass However, I don’t know if you knew How much my heart yearns for you, But maybe time will show you. Strokes on canvass I can’t s...

I hope in Thee for us.

I wanna share my paper on the movie "A Very Long Engagement":           The movie “A Very Long Engagement” was both depressing and inspiring. Breathtaking scenes adapted from the World War I showed the struggle of the soldiers, some were wounded and many were killed, and of course corruption and atrocity on the part of the government. Those scenes and the undying investigation of Mathilde to find Manech might have deep roots in the philosophy of religion especially in the themes of silence and hope. To incorporate the two themes, this paper would be divided into three main parts.             First, I guess one thing common to everyone in the film is that they all remained silent about what happened during the war unless someone like Mathilde fearlessly tried to decode the secrets. There are two choices; it’s either they would go back to the familiarity of the death of their beloved or risk crossing t...

When something is lost, it's either you could find it again or not. You just need to accept the truth that it is lost. You cannot do anything anymore. Not everything that's lost could be found again. There's a huge uncertainty even if there's still hope to find it again. Why do we lose something? WHY?!?

Ang kahirapan ng mga nakatatanda Aspetong hindi nababatid ng isang makabagong henerasyon Ngunit sa kanila’y dapat pagtuunan Walang naging katuparan ang kanilang buhay Silang tumanda at naiwan ng ganoon na lamang Hindi ako naniniwalang Makikita natin ang kanilang halaga Sa kanilang mga kulubot at lumalaylay na balat Kabagalan ng kilos at madalang na hakbang Sila’y madaling mapagod at mahingal Masakit ang likod at baywang kapag nirayuma  Wala nang pangkagat, nabungi na lahat Silang may kumakalog na tuhod at kasukasuan Wala nang silbi Hindi ako naniniwalang May solusyon sa kanilang mga pangangailangan Mabibigyan ng maayos na matutuluyan at kumpletong pasilidad Maaalagaan ng mga marurunong sa medisina Makakakuha pa ng trabaho Makakagamit ng iba’t ibang panlipunang serbisyo Ang mga lolo at lola Ang paninindigan ko Wala nang tadhanang naghihintay; Wala nang pag-asa; Wala nang silbi; Sa kanilang kakulangan, Hindi ako kumbinsidong M...

I never thought that I would come at this moment, three years after we took separate paths, to forget about everything in the past completely; to withdraw the unforgotten memories and promises, happy or sad, memories are still memories. We are not a couple; in fact, we are very unlikely to be such. Thanks to that night of July 30, 2009 that I realized we’re really not meant for each other.  For about three years, I’ve set boundaries for my feelings because I know it would interfere with wherever and whatever my career is heading into. I’ve also set limits to myself that I could not fall for someone again not before my college graduation. I had many crushes at the span of three years but none of them lasted for a week except for one person, we’ll get to that story in my next blog. Lately, I had dreams about the guy in my past and they were terrible. All my fears were in that dream and I could not seem to find any escape. Worse, for every dream, the same day, I see him in...

It is so hard for us to trust someone or give love to someone or somebody because we always seek requirements. “Hindi tayo sanay sa pag-ibig na walang kapalit.” That’s why we need to pry open this economy of exchange to realize the impossible. In seeing the love that requires the return of love, we already objectify love. Objectifying love gives love limits and making that love not love after all. That is also why; it is only through the conditional that we can experience the unconditional. Pure love is a gift, and when we talk of a gift, it is always already given. Someone doesn’t need to deserve it for it to be given, it is just given. There are no steps to pure love because when there are steps, we are getting back to an economy of exchange. In giving any gift, in our case, not just any other material gift, we need to step out and go beyond the margins, beyond our limits. The conditionality of things allows us to have a glimpse of the unconditional. Risking might make us...

                 A girl falls in love with a guy. The guy suddenly falls in love with the girl after some time however; the girl fell in love with someone else. A typical love story but spices up in every bit.                 He was the “almost perfect boyfriend” and she was no good compared to him. For almost three years, the girl improved, from her perspective of course, head to toe; she wanted to be someone in the eyes of the guy. For every smile that she treasures a lot, her heart beats with too much gladness. She never expected to be friends with the guy. The guy sends her messages whenever he has questions about anything related to school but that doesn’t make her any smarter than the guy. In that way they have their small talk. The guy suddenly talks to the girl whenever he likes. The girl on the other hand talks to the guy normally, disguising her real ...

Get me a drink. Nobody reads you because you don’t write. Nobody knows you because you don’t speak out. However, I’m not fond of those who fill the air with words, especially with non-sense issues, and I’m sure you, reader, are not one of them. The paragraphs are not connected with each other, just bear with it. Now, I’m 19 and what do kids do when they’re nineteen? Some of them enjoy their life through adventure trips, relationships whether petty or not, night outs, traveling to different places or just going out to malls. Some of them make their lives busy by studying really hard and having no time for “cool” stuffs. Well, I don’t want to talk whichever I am between those two or if I fit other categories, what I would like to talk about here is that, you’ll never look in life the same way as you did when you’re 18 and it would continue happening all over again. I am always amazed by fireworks, because when I stare at them, it feels like the sky engulfs me completely. I ...

                Sa trahedyang kinakaharap, ano nga ba ang maaari nating asahan kung ang ating mundo ay hindi na natin sinasabayan? Matapos pagmuni-munihan sa ulat ng pangkat ang pananaw ukol sa hindi sabayang pag-unlad ng tao at kalikasan at sa salik na “Prosperity without Growth” ni Tim Jackson, nais ng papel na ito na bigyan ng mas malalim na pilosopikong pagmumuni-muni ukol sa paksa. Nakatuon ang kabuuan ng papel na ito sa tao at kung ano nga ba ang ginagampanan niya sa isyung ito.             Ano o sino nga ba ang pangunahing dahilan ng lahat ng kaguluhan na nangyayari ngayon sa mundo? Sino pa kundi ang tao. Tayo mismo ang dahilan ng problema. Sa patuloy na paghahangad ng tao na makaangat sa iba, dinadala nito ang tao sa pagiging dahilan ng iba pang mga sakuna, magsimula na lang sa pang-industriyang pananamantala sa mga likas na yaman ng mundo. Ang mahirap sa tao, hindi siya marun...