Souvenir of Love or Infatuation

I never thought that I would come at this moment, three years after we took separate paths, to forget about everything in the past completely; to withdraw the unforgotten memories and promises, happy or sad, memories are still memories. We are not a couple; in fact, we are very unlikely to be such. Thanks to that night of July 30, 2009 that I realized we’re really not meant for each other. 

For about three years, I’ve set boundaries for my feelings because I know it would interfere with wherever and whatever my career is heading into. I’ve also set limits to myself that I could not fall for someone again not before my college graduation. I had many crushes at the span of three years but none of them lasted for a week except for one person, we’ll get to that story in my next blog.

Lately, I had dreams about the guy in my past and they were terrible. All my fears were in that dream and I could not seem to find any escape. Worse, for every dream, the same day, I see him in the campus.

It took us two years before we could finally talk to each other. What amazed me was that he humbled himself and admitted almost all the mistakes in our past affair. I thought we could go back to normal that same day, no.

It was after my debut that we had a sort of high school reunion overnight. We had played truth or consequence and what I could remember from that night was the exact moment when the bottle pointed to him. My best friend asked the question: “So, what happened in the university?” He had a very short response: “We grew apart.” Then someone asked, “Do you still love her?” He answered, “You know, she’s a very wonderful person, but I think I…” (Silence surrounded the room.) “I don’t love her anymore.” Deep inside, I was really hurt, sitting next to him, all I could do is smile and agree with whatever he says because all I am thinking are the exact words of “I don’t love her anymore.”

Maybe, I was hurt, and maybe it has been a very long time since my heart ever loved someone again. Nevertheless, the right person will come at the right time and by God’s will. Maybe it is not him, who cares? People do crazy things when they are young and I would count this as one of them, an infatuation for someone.