And it was written

To my crush,

Three years have passed, some things changed, some things remained the same. You were the sunshine lighting my every day. You were the best part of my story. You were the one I have waited to complete me.

Since the first time I saw you, I have been longing for you. Every day I am wishing that you could spare some time with me or even greet me. Seeing you makes my heart sing with gladness. I am very happy seeing my name in the first line of your message, whatever message it may be. I have also thought if you would only text me if you needed some information about academic stuffs, well that was ok for me as long as my name was there, just kidding.

Every time we ate together with my best friends, I could always resist hiding my feelings for you. Could you still remember the first time we went outside together, just the two of us? Well, me, I could remember every detail. It was also December then. I am very happy to be with you that night, it was like a date, kidding again.

Then it came the longest period of my fantasy. I call it fantasy because I know it wouldn’t be true. It was a long and winding journey, times when I felt I was very close to you. You shared things to me that I have never expected that you would share, like your first crush. The only thing I regret on those days is that I should have told you my feelings for you, but I chose to hold back and be at peace with myself. I should have told you the answer when you asked me, who is my crush.

Recently, we have had only short conversations and somehow, I got used to it. I just kept myself busy so that I would not think of the bad stuffs. You distanced yourself to me. I can’t explain why but I really feel it. You have no idea how much it hurts me. I must have done something wrong but as I scanned my memories, I know I have done everything right, except the fact that I have not told you my feelings for you. We are back into being strangers, back in our own little worlds, apart from one another. I hope when we see each other again, it wouldn’t be me to greet first.

You know, I realized, I have spent so much time thinking of possibilities with you, when I could spend that thinking of someone else. I have also realized that maybe three years was already enough for the feelings I have for you. I have my friends to take care of me and they have been so much better than you, but you know, what I would really love is that you would be one of my friends, too.

I could not bear to regret all of the moments I had with you, they were good memories. I just chose to leave you now for I know, I am nothing to you.

Good bye crush. It is now time to move on. It’s closing time. 

Sincerely yours,

Angela <3