Yesterday and the days to come

Yesterday, I did something that made me happy. It was not closing a great deal with businessmen in the corporate industry nor was it a big accomplishment in my career. “Stop constantly waiting for something”, that was what I held on to. Most of my days were spent on choosing not to pursue things that I’m not confident of excelling in because it is really the natural order of the things in universe. But yesterday was very different. I was floating in the midst of uncertainty that the only thing clear in my mind was I just want to do that specific thing and leave my safest cradle for a while.

Fifteen minutes before I went outside my prison, this dormitory of some sort, I started preparing. I washed my face, brushed my teeth, changed clothes and put on socks and shoes. I was thinking about why I am going to do this. I could not even explain why I ended up getting ready for this but I just wanted to do this. I stared at the mirror and looked at myself for the next thirty seconds. I see nothing but a girl who’s up to do anything that would make her career go up and her experiences to be worthwhile. I am choosing to abandon that for a while and not thinking about the why’s and why not’s.

Thirteen minutes and I am thinking when was the last time I prepared for something like this and thought hard for it was somewhat a long time ago. Time was slowly passing behind me and I was circled with thoughts of clocks ticking and eating me, melting me like a candle. For every minute of my life, I wanted to always do something, and if I had more time doing nothing than doing something, well, I end up miserable more than you can imagine. My life was a testament of a person who wants to eat a lot of work and not doing something directly for herself at once. And maybe, that was one of my biggest mistakes. Never looked good for the sake of pleasing people because I liked the way I am and I think remaining in those constant circles would be better but I think of thinking the other way around.

Nine minutes and I waited for the go signal. I looked over the university from the eighth floor of this building and asking myself, what do I really want? “Hey Miss, you’re kind of out of control. I kind of miss your sweet good mornings and good nights to me. I also miss your bubbly smile and sunshiny attitude. Are you insane? What are you doing with your life? Are you happy in what you’re doing, in the path you are taking? What happened to the girl I’ve met four years ago? You have changed a lot, maybe it’s for the better, as you totally convince yourself, but you got worse, really. You need to have some break, and for break, I really mean break from anything cluttered in your mind. You’re stressed, you know? You might have reached this far, but is this really what you want? Is this really what you worked for?”, I asked myself.

Five minutes and I received the go signal. I got my phone, key and ID, then locked the door of the room. I left the building. It was awkward walking outside dressed incoherent with the other people.  I know in myself that I’ve got something to do and I’ve got to spare myself some time. As I felt the breeze of night air, I felt comfortable and just kept walking as soon as I reached the bridge.

There I saw the person waiting for me. I knew all along that there will come this time that we will talk and spend our time together. I just knew it deep inside my heart. That was the start. We jogged and walked around the campus for about two hours, just talking and spending time with each other. No cheesy lines, no tempting moments, we’re simply just ourselves and that’s a lot better. We talked and I was happy. This is some kind of happiness I could not contain. I do not like him to be someone special in my life but he is. I like the way he talks to me because it really feels so natural, no lies, no excuses. He is the most natural and true person I have ever met in the campus. I don’t know why I distanced myself from him before but maybe, good things really take time. I bet this is one good thing I’ll never regret of having.